What it Feels Like to Touch Your Own God Source

The Wizard Within Awaits.

In 2013 I had an experience of “touching” or experiencing the source of my own beingness. My “soul” or “higher self” if you will. It was life-changing and powerful, and the memory and experience of it stays with me to this day.

This is the story of how I came to this experience, what I learned from it, and how you, too, can touch your own god source (with a bit of persistence and effort!).

And no, it did not require me to meditate like a monk for forty years. It was quite simple, “so easy a kid could do it.”

A bit of background first.

All my life I had been desperately trying to heal some deep emotional wounds within. Wounds I didn’t understand the origin of, that had plagued me my whole life.

Maybe it’s because my father was a rage-a-holic and abusive, or maybe it’s because I was just a damaged soul. I didn’t know. All I knew was I had to find some way to feel better, to relieve the incessant emotional pain that caused me to be so defensive and upset all the time.

I had read tons of books on personal growth, did years of therapy, and found some shifts and relief. Glimmers of light and happiness would shine through, but inevitably a dark cloud would settle again.

Sometimes I would get depressed for weeks. I felt so trapped in my own being, and I hated myself for being so upset all the time.

I honestly wanted to die, and was semi-suicidal.

Things started to shift a bit more for me when I spent two months at The Option Institute, learning that happiness is a choice, and misery is optional. I learned I was responsible for my feelings and pain, and that I was not a victim.

This helped tremendously, but still did not really solve anything (yet).

Many healing modalities and books later, I stumbled on Journey Work.

The Journey

In her book The Journey, Brandon Bays shares how she discovered she had a huge malignant tumor growing in her stomach, and if she didn’t get an immediate operation, she would die.

Although she was terrified, she felt a deep tugging within to trust that she could heal without conventional treatments — and she did! She learned to tap into her innermost essence, her “source,” and begin the deep healing required to shift her physical and emotional bodies to health. It’s an incredible story worth the read for the drama alone.

After healing herself of the tumor, Brandon began sharing her healing techniques with the world, starting with her book.

I found her book and read it, and in the back of the book she provides a script to help you to get in touch with your own soul essence, or “source.” It’s a bit of a long process, as you have to be willing to face each and every emotion you are feeling, and then look at what’s under each one.

You are supposed to do it with a partner, but I did it alone the first time, memorizing the steps so I could guide myself.

Here’s what happened.

Touching My God Source

I lay down in a quiet place, and allowed myself to relax. The instructions are to feel whatever comes up for you, and feel it fully. Get in touch with where the feeling is in your body, and name it.

Then you ask “what’s underneath this?”

Another feeling will begin to make its way to your awareness, along with bodily sensations and perhaps a memory of an event or person.

Again you name the feeling, feel it fully, and ask again: “what’s emerging from this?”

This is what Brandon refers to as “going down through the layers of emotion.” You repeat the process again and again, each time discovering feelings, sensations, emotions, memories, or events, and then again going deeper.

It’s an incredibly tedious process at times, I’m not gonna lie. But something interesting happens when you stick with it.

After a lot of horrible emotions, you start to experience lighter emotions. Perhaps instead of anger or fear, you get to feeling a neutrality, or even a vague pleasant feeling.

Again you ask, “what’s underneath this?”

Eventually the feelings become more and more pleasant, and you might even discover you start to feel happy or even euphoric. You are beginning to reach the very depths of your own soul, or “source”!

The Void

Sometimes when you try this process, you encounter a vast, unfathomable “void” of blackness or darkness that can be horrifying. I hit this “void” the first time I did the process!

After going down through a bunch of layers, suddenly I was floating over a vast, endless, black sea. I was very high up, but I got the sense of endless little waves rippling over the surface. It was pitch black, but I could see a tiny little white boat on that sea.

I felt sick to my stomach, literally, and a feeling of abject terror came over me as I experienced this. Especially the boat! I don’t know why, but seeing that tiny little white boat floating in that endless expanse was absolutely terrifying.

Fortunately this is not uncommon, and Brandon warns about experiencing the void in her book, so I knew I had to decide if I was going to keep going, or give up.

I decided I was going to go for it, and I allowed myself to feel the fear as fully as I could.

At that point I “dropped through” the fear and was back at the euphoric, happy, wonderful and expansive feelings.

I continued the process of asking “what’s under this” and eventually got to a place of magnificent peace, and utter neutrality.

This I knew was the source of my own being, the source of all of our beings.

In Brandon’s process, you can interact with your source, ask questions, and obtain healing and wisdom too. I did, and it was very powerful!

The Heart of Healing: Forgiveness

As exciting and powerful as it is to get in touch with your own soul essence, even more transformative is forgiving those who have wronged you in your life. At the heart of Brandon’s process is forgiveness.

As you drop through all the layers you usually encounter a person or painful event. Using a unique process of sitting around a campfire, you relive the painful events with the people involved. You share your feelings. Your inner child shares. The other people share their feelings.

It’s exhausting. But you get a chance to finally express what you’ve suppressed within for so long, and also to understand the other people too.

This is where the healing comes from. Letting go your anger, hate, hurt, misunderstandings, and judgements. You naturally find love at the end of the process, because you are love. And so are the ones who offended you.

I’ve since done many “journeys” with her process, and each time it gets easier to touch my source. I only experienced the terror a couple more times, and have not since.

But the forgiveness part can be hard every time.

What I Learned

The most shocking revelation to me was just how completely neutral my source is. No matter what is happening, it’s like a gigantic, endless, immovable rock that doesn’t give a shit about anything at all.

I don’t mean it has no love — it is love! I mean, it doesn’t care at all about anything whatsoever because it is so entirely complete in and of itself.

Remember, it’s the God essence within. We all have this source too, and your experience of it may be entirely different than mine.

Mine is utterly immovable, unshakable, unflappable, and totally indifferent to whatever is happening, anywhere.

And yet it has such amazing wisdom and grace to offer. Knowing this infinite, all-knowing aspect of my soul is always with me has given me some peace on my own emotional journey.

I can’t say I’m 100% where I want to be yet, but this tool has given me a glimpse of the deepest essence of who I am, and who we all are, and it is a wonderful comfort.

As Louise Hays says in her book You Can Heal Your Life, “it is safe to look within.”

You Can Try This Too!

If this has piqued your interest, you might consider picking up the book and reading Brandon’s story. I would recommend you do her process with a friend, as it’s much easier, but it is also incredibly powerful as a healing tool.

Brandon offers courses if you want professional guidance through her process. I did one of her courses and it was amazing.